What do I want....

I didn't post on Tuesday because I have been contemplating my navel and that can be time consuming. Two different individuals, professionals we will call them, have asked me what I wanted or what my goals were around a number of personal things.  They both stated that they didn't want me to write down what other people wanted of me, or what was expected of me.  They wanted me to state or put into a goal what I wanted, just for myself.

So I did the obvious thing and totally avoided the first persons request until the second person asked the same thing. I have a personal policy, if two people ask you to do something you are dragging on, do it, that is your sign from the universe you REALLY need too.

This leads to what I want and what goals I have for myself. Goals as a whole are droll and bother me on some terribly epic level, I see them as the BS and generally just another method by which to be overly critical so I am skipping them and talking wants with you.  Now these aren't the wants like winning the lottery or having a live in maid, these are the wants the things I want to strive for and they can be in any arena of your life.  Here we go....

I want...
To be able to spend time with my family exploring, experimenting and generally enjoying each other.  I don't mean that I want that time to be doing the laundry, cleaning the house, chauffeuring the kids and running errands either.

To not feel as old as the guy 10 years older than me on the elliptical next to me at the gym. I know this may sound like winning the lottery, but it isn't really.  I want to eat healthy food, exercise enough to run away from the angry dogs in the neighborhood, not wake up or get up from the couch making the old noises(and you all know what those are), and be able to just occasionally school the kids in something physical.  Why I may be joking about this, I am working on getting myself in shape, healthy and once again comfortable in my skin.

To have a career that is intellectually challenging, allows me to feel like I an helping not hurting, and that meets the financial needs of our family.  Seeing that it feels like I spend most of my energy at work and currently I am not off feeding the poor; I would hope that instead of people seeing me as some crazed overly rigid process looned out woman they see me as someone who is trying to help make things better and more consistent. Hey at least I care right...

To be the kind of person that has a great group of friends I keep in touch with using more than just Facebook and occasionally actually see in real life.  I have the friends, just not investing the time in them like I should be, and Facebook is my primary means of communication.  Yes, I suck.

To assist in the betterment of my community and assist in the things
I care about. There is only so much time so my current volunteering is limited to the kids school and the occasional work organized event, but I truly do love volunteering and the sense of community it brings.

Enough financial security to be able to take care of whatever the latest therapy is that Bean needs without giving something up or be able to spend a weekend away without feeling bad about spending the money.  We like most people seem to constantly try to balance saving up with the mounting cost of groceries and sometimes it is just a total pain.

The kids to be happy, well adjusted, loving adults who don't live in our house, hold jobs and have mostly fond memories of childhood.  Barring that, that the kids to not need so much therapy as adults that they feel like we need to pay for it.

I accept that there are only so many hours and I have only so much energy, but little by little year after year I hope to at least come to peace with these wants and be able to find a balance.

Though, if by some crazed work ethic, that we all know I don't have, these wants are achieved next on the list will be a personal chef, maid, and financial independence so I don't have to work.

If someone asked you what would you want, without anyone else s' expectations needs just you??

Blathering on a Blog

A little over a year ago I committed to myself to blog twice a week for a year.  As a way to work through what was going in with the kids and reach out to as many people as possible I started blathering online for help and inspiration.   I have found all that and more.

When I started blogging, it was to reach out and get help, but I get more than that these days. Reaching out for help and advice is still great and there are times someones words end up saving the kids on rough days.  This blog also gives me that chance to write, which is something I have always enjoyed but frequently felt too self conscious to do.  My spelling, grammar and structure are pretty crappy,  but in a blog it seems there is just a lot more forgiveness which makes me feel more comfortable.  From this blog I ended up taking on the nanowrimo challenge last year and did succeed in writing 50,000 words(175 page book) in one month, yeah me.  Another opportunity from this blog has been the ability to blather about things that are important to me; water safety, kids and social media, the work home balance.  Having a forum to blather has been nice, especially on busy weeks when I spend all week going from kid activity to work and don't really get a chance to truly talk to other adults. 

The last few weeks I have been fighting a major sinus infection, the flu, and I am sure a few other things so I haven't really been taking the time to keep the blog posts coming at their regularly scheduled times.  On top of that I just didn't feel like I had a whole lot to say.  I am sure the idea of not having to much to say is laughable to most people who know me, but ya know we all have our days.  Hopefully in the next weeks I will get back on schedule with blogging and continue to torture the rules of English here for the amusement of all. 

See ya around, hopefully Monday and Thursday mornings here.

Lego Love

Chicken and Bean have recently become very interested in Lego's, specifically the Lego Ninjago line.  There is something about Lego bricks that I see as creative, outside the box, and encourages spacial thinking.  All the specific sets though sometimes seem to grate against that idea to me.

Somehow I had thought since neither kid was into Lego's by the time they were six or so that maybe they wouldn't be part of our house, I was totally wrong happily.  It seems the reason Lego's hadn't caught on was that the sets the kids wanted were too old for them, now that Chicken has hit 7 those little bricks are coming in so often it is hard to keep up.  To keep the collections at least loose together we put them in gallon size zip lock bags with the instructions but I am starting to question this tactic.  Though both kids are overly particular that the sets stay together I want to see them build more free form out of the box items.

In an attempt to get more creative, non direction following Lego building going on we had a make your own creation (MYOC) contest in the house today.  Showing creativity and trying without whining got you a silver mini fig bag.  Cars tend to be the most created item, but Bean did build a compound, without a roof, and a self watering garden.  It was fun to see the kids look outside of the directions and just build, I want to see it happen more often and need to continue to encourage thinking outside of the directions.

Lastly, if anyone knows where to pick up Legos on sale or what time of year they go on sale hook me up. Those cute little bricks aren't cheap

TRACK BREAK Happy Dance

When four years ago we decided to send Bean to a year round magnet school, the year round aspect was just frosting. The school has an arts focus which melds with her very well, and it backs up to our daycare, which is beyond convenient. The idea that it was year round was a plus at the time for the two reasons, we get to go on vacation when everyone is in school and it spread out the daycare bill. Paying summer daycare can be hard when you spend the whole year paying so much less, for us the bill gets spread out to break times so the seven to eight week summer isn’t quite so bad.


Unbeknownst to us there was another great advantage to year round school, the March track break. As winter starts to fad and the crazy Idaho spring starts to emerge little bodies get restless and being able to not focus on school for three weeks is a huge advantage. Track break tends to coincide with a number of larger projects coming due and kid and parent requirements for these projects are time consuming. Being able to just let all the learning of the last three months sort of sink in and have a lot of physical activity for those restless bodies, thanks daycare, makes the last push until summer break much more tolerable. The other thing I enjoy about track break is that it seems to logically separate out the studies for the year, something tells me the teachers are just great and doing this. Right now first grade is wrapping up their solids, liquids, or gas module and will start on living structures when they return from break, and I think third grade is wrapping up simple machines with the big invention convention this Friday.

For us break starts next week and we cannot wait. The idea of no regular homework that has to get done, no spelling words that need checking is just too exciting. Break doesn’t mean a full stop to any academics though; 20 minutes of reading is still required on what is usually school nights and I think we will be having a few lego build offs to keep our minds sharp. I have to say Bean is really good at always needing to start some new tutoring or therapy this time of year and getting a few weeks to transition into that while school isn’t going is always helpful.

The one drawback or issue with March break is that spring in Idaho is crazy; today the weather is expected to be 65 and tomorrow 32 with snow. Plans get canceled quick when it goes from 65 to 32, and the ground can go from dry to swamp land in minutes. March track break means lots more laundry since the kids are out playing in whatever the weather happens to be. Eventually when Bean is in junior high and Chicken is still in elementary I assume track break won’t be so great since the kids will be on different schedules, but I think we can hold on for two years while they are off schedule with one another.

What is your school schedule? Do you love it, hate it? Is your district trying anything new with schedules?

Work vs Home: Up to my ears in mom guilt

In the next week between the two kids there are at least four activities, appointments, or school presentations that will take me away, or could take me, away from work before my usual business hours end of day.  I work a for a some what flexible company that allows me the chance to occasionally, frequently lately; attend meetings, events and activities during my work hours. I of course make the hours up, but there is a point when too much is too much.  I want to make sure I am not taking advantage of my work situation but still be there for my family, but how?

Sadly as of late I am making the must appointments and passing on the class presentations and optional 'fun' things and this is starting to tick me off. Time moves by and the kids may or may not even notice our presence at events, but I want to be there to cheer them on. Currently due to the high number of assessments, doctor appointments, and other innocuous meetings being able to show my support is not always going to be at the big presentation, which Bean has two of in the next two weeks. She will learn from all these events and know I love and support her, but I still will have the 'mom guilt', the knowledge I wasn't there to see her shine.

So how do you combat the mom guilt?

I have thrown pity parties for the mom guilt, it didn't go away. I listened to other moms mom guilt, it didn't go away.  I have talked to it, cajoled in and finally I think accepted it. I have accepting that the mom guilt will not go away and that it is OK. I will still try to make everything and feel bad when I don't', but knowing I tried and I wanted to will have to be enough.  Hopefully years from now when her sits on her therapists couch and talks about how I was never there for her I will have come to accept it, because at least she won't be talking about how I never loved her, just that I wasn't always there.  Though in her heart she will know I always wanted to be, but that sometimes you just can't.

Do you have mom guilt?  Did you kick her out for good and how?

Work Travel

Once a year I get the chance to attend a conference with people that do what I do at work.  I work in Change and Configuration Management with an IT Service Management focus.  If you suddenly upon reading that sentence heard the adult wah wah from Charlie Brown, don't worry most people do.  The gist is what I do isn't' done by a lot of people so once a year I get to go hang with a bunch of folks that do what I do.  I love the chance to see what others are doing, but the traveling with nice clothes part always puts me in a panicked funk.

I am not what you would call a girly girl, adult tomboy geek girl is a little better comparison and this makes the idea of traveling with nice clothes that need ironing and to stay nice a bit of a challenge.  This is the second year I am heading to this conference and again I am trying to go with just a carry on bag, that usually isn't a big deal since the conference is only four days, this year though Hubs and I area headed there early so we can play before the conference.  This means in one carry on bag I now needs clothes for 7 days, and I will be switching hotels half way through this.  I can do the pants thing, no issue there, as long as I don't sit in anything; always a chance with me.  Shirts, workout clothes, kick around clothes and keeping it all neat and pressed, not so sure. This doesn't count the work computer, book I am currently reading and all the other junk I am sure will come with me on this trip.

Any ideas, tips and tricks? What do you do to pack light and not look wrinkled and dirty? 

Sunday Homework

 I have always been pretty committed to trying to get homework done on time and Sundays at our house are a great time.  The constant back and forth is when on Sundays this should get done.  To assist with the when of Sunday homework we have jammie homework time, this means homework in jammies and you go no where else and can't get out of your jammies till homework is done.

There are Sundays no one gets out of their jammies all day and there are days when jammie homework doesn't happen, but generally this is working well and is a more relaxed homework time. We try and take full advantage of Sunday's for homework because during the week there are activities going on and homework may not get the focus we would like.  Homework for both kids isn't over whelming yet, but I am sure it is coming and we want to give the kids skills and attention to do the best work possible.

Spelling and reading are the two key activities that need to be accomplished on a Sunday. Both kids have spelling homework weekly and getting assignments done gives us all a great start to the week. Spelling is a strong point for Chicken so though he picks his words up quickly we need to find a way to keep him engaged in practice.  Today he did wordle.net, he typed in all the spelling words and then arranged them in all sorts of fun ways and printed. While Chicken was busy learning his home keys, Bean and I started work on her paragraph. A fair amount of weeks one of Bean's spelling assignments is to write a paragraph.  Organizing  Beans thoughts and then getting her to type her first draft can be time consuming, but once headed in a direction Bean does great.  She likes getting to write out her rough draft on the computer to fix any spelling issues and then writes out the final paragraph.  Usually Bean gets two spelling assignments done on a Sunday, this helps take the heat off her to hurry through things during the week.  Bean is working on learning cursive and this also takes some time, at this point she usually abandons at least one spelling assignment half way through because she doesn't' like it in cursive.  While she is engaged in spelling Chicken does math, or plays another educational game.  Reading is pretty easy, but Sunday's are great days to have the kids trade off reading aloud or take turns reading to me in another room while the other reads silently.  The unhurried nature of these homework Sundays and the couch potato after effects make for great lazy, but productive Sundays.

What are your homework tricks? Do you have a day a week when you always work on it? How do you manage activities and homework and everything else that needs to get done in a week?