Making a Connection..

I have to admit to a bit of an obsession...crafts with the kids. I love to go through magazines and look for that one thing that the kids will get excited to do with me. This week I found this, http://cookiesandcups.blogspot.com/2011/01/popcorn-cake.html.

I am totally tempted to do this with the kids, and the recent family fun magazine had an absolute TON, of activities.

Why then, do you ask that I am not a Target like store picking up supplies as we speak...

Neither kid seems all that into the craft thing right now...sign

I recently organized thier school art supplies, and though they love it, they see it less as a fun way to do art and more as a way to make sure we are not on thier asses about cleaning up.

Where am I going with this is, what are the things you do to make a connection with your child...where do you meet them? What are your passions that you want to share with them?

I love to read and though Thing One struggles, I fully expect her to eventually develop the love and I CAN'T WAIT. I am so excited to share with her the books I love and connect with, insert any Lucy Maud Montgomery book here. When Thing Two gets there with reading I fully expect SciFi discussions about what is feasible and what is a total joke that the author knows is unreal. But what if, what if reading is somthing they despise, and so is crafts, and geocaching and all the other things we love to do..

Pursuing whatever the Things are into is totally good with me, right now, but what happens down the road? How many parents are into something only so long as thier Things are in the house, or unable to get themselves to and from the acitivy. I want to be relevant in thier lives, to be a person beyond when they live here, to be thier champion.

Is that somethign that you can plan and implement when they are young, I am totally unsure?

Mommy Mentors

I know this is a shout out to moms and it is no where near mothers day, but to hell with it we all need some props.

Do you have any mommy mentors??
You know those moms that throw you a line, or a thermos of wine on those days when you are sure you can't do it right, or can't seem to decide what is the best choice for you and yours. These women are not always moms, and not always married, sometimes they are just the friend that tells you to pull my head out and breath, and sometimes it is the message board friend I have never met telling me it will all be ok.
I have these women in my life. I these women save me..
The mom who insisted on taking me out to lunch, out of the hospital, when my first born was in the NICU, the one who came and ate at the hospital with me. The friend who shares her marriage woes no matter how crazy so that I feel less crazy. The mom that told me it was ok to feed my son a bottle when I hadn't slept in three days, and the mom who told me my son reminded her of her oldest who had ADHD.
In the last month or so I have been over-using a lot of my mommy mentors to deal with Thing One and Two and what is the best choices for them. I have been emailing, calling and chattering incessantly trying to figure out what will work best and what to fight for. I realized something in all this, even though the final decision about what to do is mine, all these moms are sharing their personal experiences with me to help make me a better person.
Being a mentor can be tough, sometimes you have to give advice to a friend knowing they may take it and do it, and something won't go the way you expect. Giving advice, having it followed, and it not working can be difficult, for the person giving and receiving. Then I think about all those women who went out on a limb for me. I think about all those women telling me their stories, making their lives open books. They do not dictate or tell me what I should do or how I should do it, they tell their story and give me their action and the reason for it. I adore these women, I may not see or talk to them much and they may only come through my life in snippets, but they are the women I will fell indebted to for life.
Am I a mentor?
I hope so..
I want to be that for some other mom, say the hard thing, listen to the tough story.
I just need to learn to listen more and talk less.

Reboot for a New Week

We had friends in town this weekend, so after a very full week with a vendor on site for me, a doctor appointment for Thing two, a few colds and just keeping the regular stuff running it; we had to clean the house and host some folks.
TOTAL TANGENT: My old cranky cat is sleeping on the sofa arm chair and our year old boxer is trying to start a fight by growling and mini barking at her from across the room, the dog is obsessed!!!!!
Now back to your regular scheduled rant to the universe. We bought an iPad, so far Angry Birds is way more popular than the math and grammar apps, but being able to say do one and you can do the other is really good. Hopefully the interest in it will maintain. The number of Apps out there to help Thing One are impressive. I am just not always sure which ones are the best ones and which are crap.
Thing Two started his ADHD meds this weekend also. Generally he seems calmer and less manically happy. There have been a few emotional outbursts but I can't be sure those aren't from lack of sleep due to playing with house guests. I hope the meds do what they want and don't change his personality. I guess I worry about it because that is what everyone else is telling me is a concern of theirs, not that I have seen any research that it really changes personality. I still want to beautiful, funny little nut job, just not so crazy I want to hang him outside by his sneakers.
On the Thing One front the school wants to do a 504 and most of the people I am asking for advice are recommending a IEP. I am going to find out the guidelines for an IEP vs 504 and then make the call, but more and more I just don't trust the school personnel to have her best interest. I used to always believe that schools always really cared and just wanted the best, I have come to doubt that. I feel highly uneducated on these issues and constantly struggle with when to say yes, this is what she needs and when to say NO and you need to make this right. All I want is what is best for her, to allow her to succeed and do what she wants. I know that is most parents desires and constant adjustment is needed in their lives and ours to achieve it, I just struggle and hate it.
As a child I thought all the "adult" things seemed so easy: marriage, job, kids; I can't be that hard, man was I naive..
Oh well another week another set of chaos, at least no vendors for either of the adults this week, though now the rubber has hit the road with my project and I only have two development weeks to get the basics configured. There is so much in all these pieces we perform in our lives I have no idea how we all keep is straight.

Another week..Comings and Goings

Another week has passed and once again I am facing the weekend with questions, research needs, and a general malaise.
In the last few months the kids have dropped one activity and are on the way to dropping another. Until the last planned drop is done it just seems like there is never enough time. This week Tae Kwon Do considered testing the Things for their next belt. Never mind neither had gotten a stripe of accomplishment on any of the things to be tested. Then the idea came up, if they get stripes and are really viable to test, do we drop an activity for the week so they are better prepared for their test, and then how do we organize those comings and going. It seems everything always centers around transportation and time, it rules the house and our world.
We met with the company that will be starting Thing Ones foundational learning tutoring. The chief questions besides money were transportation. Who can we get to do what, how, when, what works best. Then they throw the ringer, really tutoring once in school should be twice a week...We are intentionally dropping things to lighten the schedule and now, it is tutoring on One twice a week, which two will have to be with me at, and Tae Kwon Do twice a week. There goes the idea of having a relaxing night a few nights a week.
As an adult who once had friends and could go out, spend time with them, talk to them, and generally be a good friend; these comings and goings are killing me. At what point can I go out with a girlfriend for a drink, hit up and after work band camp', go play on the IT indoor soccer team. I feel so overwhelmed coming and going I no longer have a life of my own. I feel like a crappy friend and a crappier human being. At some point very soon there will be no more need for comings and goings, and then where will I and all the moms like me be. Hopefully the rest of my friends are in the same spot and won't hate me when I can see again.
I love and miss you all, but the comings and going have consumed me.....


PS On a side note I have been doing quite a bit of research on assisted technology for learning disabilities and really am liking this idea. I am incredibly close to buying Thing One and iPad and getting her Apps that help with process output. I have to say, I love the idea of adaptive technology that fuses with what is already out there being used in education..

The Internet, Teachers, and Tutoring

I have spent the last week reaching out. Reaching out to the Internet for research, teachers for ideas and to see where they are at, and tutors to see what can be done. What has been achieved through this, not much. I am frustrated, no further in my search, and tired of hearing we expected that in regard to Thing Two.
Lets start with the Internet, the place most research has become accessible from. I have found a fair amount of studies in regard to how to identify Thing Ones issues, but nothing on how to fix them. I can only google through so many pages before my brain goes numb, but apparently it isn't enough. I refuse to accept that Thing One is Thing One and there is nothing I can do to help. The information must be out there somewhere, but where?
Both One and Twos teachers have been informed. Surprisingly Ones teacher became really engaged in the conversation and like the feedback from the assessment. She also liked the teacher I requested for next year, so we may get it. She wants to bring in the school psychologist which may mean and IEP, but I am OK with that. I will trust her judgement. Thing Twos teacher is all rainbows and lollipops, I like her immensely, but she hides a lot of his behaviors from us making it difficult to address them. I just wish she would be more honest with what is up in class. She liked the idea of meding him before the end of the year so she can see progress, I think she really just wants to be saved from his crazy behavior. Overall, the process with the teachers and the school has started, so we can hopefully start to see something start to move forward.
Last on today's update agenda is tutorng. Thing One with start an intensive tutoring program in a week, tutoring three times a week for two hours at a time. The goal will be be hopefully close the gap in her foundational education before school starts next year. This is great and exciting but expensive, the cost is worth it if it helps....BUT. My but is this, as a tutoring center, they want to make money and at what point are they ever going to say, yep she is at grade level she doesn't need us...NEVER. So how do I balance getting her what she needs to catch her up, without getting fleeced?? I know not very positive, but that is just how it is.

The Report is In

Most of you know we have been pursuing figuring out what it up with Thing One and Two.
For Thing Two, too many people started to assume there was an issue and wanted to input their advice into our life, and the kinder teacher said he would eventually be considered a behavior problem. For One, though she was PASSING school, things just seemed to be a struggle and the numbers just weren't adding up.
Sooo...flash forward, we get a referal from a friend regarding a great place to get a learning assessment, we get the assessments, and 6 weeks later we know have a report.
What does the report say? How do we feel about Thing One and Two now that we have a report and an idea of what is up in there crazy little brains? We do not grieve the average kids they will not be, we do not think different about what they may or may not have achieved, we do not regret the futures we mapped for them. We simply see a path that has been traveled, but not by many and a place to start to move forward to improve who they are and can be. Independently, Thing One and Two are hilarious, creative, bright children, who are just a little kooky, and it is our job to lead them through this world to be better people and continue to improve who they are and improve the world around them.
Lets start with Thing Two and his report and the current, maybe plan. Two is a little more cut and dry, there is nothing that no one else hasn't already suggested. He received a report stating he has above average intelligence and ADHD with a sub focus of hyperactivity/inpulsivity. Are you shocked? If so you haven't spent tons of time with him. Most likely the path to getting him more 'compatible' in the classroom will be a mix of medication and behavior therapy. The meds will help settle him down enough to teach him the tools for managing himself, no 6 year old should think it is funny to drop their draws any old place. There is a slight hink in the report, apparently he has some precision issues in regards to fine motor development. His ability to copy a symbol picture was not very accurate and additionally he drew in a non-typical fashion denoting a possible occupational therapy assessment down the road. This could all be due to his general activity level and it limiting his processing through inattention. He is happy at home and school and we will continue to teach him the tools, with his teachers help, to be the likable bright kid we all see in those not so active moment.
Now on to the main course, Thing One. Talk about a knuckle ball. We expected a possible dyslexia diagnosis, maybe ADD, something in that category. What did we get? Learning Disability Not Otherwise Specified, yep can it get any vaguer. Into the depth's now, she has difficultly decoding words, with outputting processes, process recognition, working memory, social problem solving and math fluency. Yep, that is one crazy set. Her intelligence overall is average, but was so varied that they didn't even feel that the tests were accurate long term. Her abstract reasoning and thought was in the superior range, freaky smart, her working memory, phonics and math were below average by over a year. The person who compiled the report saw that as off, usually a child with learning issues isn't exactly blowing out the higher learning categories but bombing the basics, she is. What is the plan for Thing One? Where are we headed? We are going to start with an intensive learning intervention while we are on break, 1 to 1 1/2 hours three times a week to start the process. We will then go to once a week for 2 hours and an additional one day a week with mom and hopefully some friends assistance, hint hint. At the end of the school year, we will assess where we have come from. The tutoring will start back at kinder level reading, math and processes learning. Based on what is and isn't picked up over the next 4 months we may do another intensive and additionally may start some social cognition learning.
So that is where we are. I am trying to convince myself not of buy a nook and then buy every book on the market I can concerning both the Things issues, while at the same time combing the Internet in search of ideas, options, and therapy interventions.
No matter what, the kids will survive, we will survive and they will become the people that hopefully make them content, happy and fulfilled.
That is all..for now.. I assume I will start updating at a much more frequent rate from here on out.

My Whacked Out Busy Day - Every Thursday

520 wake up
shower
dress
get up kids
get lunches packed
make sure everyone has everything
grab swim bag, work bag, kids bags go to car
go back and kennel dog since I forgot
get to daycare remind kids they to keep hands to themselves and be nice
go to work
deal with all the work crap, LOTS OF MEETINGS INSERT HERE
go to pool - teach - hopefully no one screams to loud
go home
put kids to bed
clean all the bags from teh day
deal with email, facebook and anything else
drink wine
read a chapter of a book
try to sleep for 4/5 hours
I'm tired just thinking about it.