A discussion I so often seem to have with people is how to teach your kids a sense of community, how do you teach a sense of belonging and responsibility for the world and people around you. I have no answers here but am on the constant look out for ideas. . Somehow the experiment of parenthood has lead me to constantly just throw stuff out there and hope that therapy will be a lot cheaper in the future and the Things don't become total prats.
There are a lot of things I think about when I think about community and teaching community. I think about service, 4-H drilled into me service to others in your community and beyond and that is something I still strongly believe in. Besides service what else? Community is the people and places around you, you need to know where you live, who you live around and where your place is in the larger world. I want to raise compassionate, empathetic adults who want to be a part of things and make things better, without feeling like they need something in return.
How to TEACH these things stumps me sometimes..ok all the time. We continue to throw things out there, remind the Things of what is done for them and what they do for others, and make sure they feel a place in the world is theirs and they have the ability to improve it.
There are some things other people do that I think make a huge impact on the Things life and have for years. After a lot of churm the Things ended up at a daycare that throughout the off school times of year do community service projects. This summer they have been making blankets for the Women's and Children's Association and had the chance to drop off the blankets and see what their good work has done. In the past they have made blocks for the Ronald McDonald house, had a St. Jude Trike a thon, and cleaned up a nature walk. These things that daycare does make me so proud that the kids go there, these people that are already managing the chaos of a daycare center, make the time and the effort to do something to give back and teach their students the same. Our extended family of friends is another way the things are learning community. The Things know when someone is sick or a baby is born, mom will cook and we have babysat friends kids, or made get well cards and done other things for this community we have developed. It is not just doing things for these people that in my mind is developing a community, through BBQs, football games, birthday parties we all intermingle and the Things get to see that. They get to see people of all ages and types, who may have different views, talk and interact, put aside differences and pass the plate. These moments are not necessarily times when anyone acknowledges teaching is occurring, but when 10 kids get together of varying ages and have to figure out something to do a community develops and the Things only learn and gain positive insights from that.
What is happening at home to develop community you ask? I am pretty seriously involved at the Things school, which for them is an important community, and we remind them without the addition of volunteers their school would not be what it is. As part of the larger school community to we talk about the roles people have and the Things placement in that school community. We also do some other volunteer work here and there, this year I got the chance to volunteer at the local children's hospital fundraiser, this is the hospital Thing One spent 3 weeks in the NICU at. Beyond that we are really working to teach the things about their community and all that goes on in it. We are doing our summer park tour, learning about all the parks and art in the area. We go to the local farmers market and at least look at what is grown and made where we live, even if Thing Two refuses to try it. The Things know most of the neighbors in our court and are encouraged to play at the park or with the kids around the corner. In trying to teach the things to feel ownership and some control in their community we have tried a number of ideas at home with varied success. We have encouraged new ideas regarding punishments and rewards, we have had 'you' pick the activities day, when we get stuck on a project we ask the Things what they might do to fix it. There is a limit to all this though and there are times when they tell me what they think and I don't do it, and that needs to be ok, but again that is learning your place in the community. I hope by grounding them in their surroundings and showing the investment their community is making in them, they in turn will make the investment in the community and people around them for the rest of their lives.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
..Playdates
There are not a lot of stereotypes that either me or the hubs fall into, he is the cleaner and I am the blunt obnoxious one. Most of the time who does what comes down to interest level or availability more than anything else. A few things hold in this house, like a lot of others I assume, I do crafts and the organizing hubs does the outside chores, play dates tend to be the other area this occurs. Unless there are crafts or cooking involved, play dates tend to be handled by the same gendered parent, I have no idea how this happened but I defiantly got the better end of the deal. On top of the fact that boy play dates tend to be managed by the boy parent, that means the girl and I can slink off when other boys are in the house.
Around 5 last night a friend of Thing Two tumbled up to the door to play. They usually go to play at his house, but he asked if they could stay here, I said sure grabbed Thing One and left it to hubs. Within minutes of One and I slinking off, I hear "DUDE, DUDE, you totally got it!!". At this point, Thing One has locked my bedroom door, turned on Wizards of Waverly place and is blissfully amused. I sit on the bed and read a book, I am good and it is pretty quiet in our little cave. Thing One and I have gone shopping, seen movies, hidden out watching TV and playing on the computer, all sorts of fun when the boys are in the house playing.
We strive to be able to let the play dates happen without intervention of a sibling so it means great one on one time for the parent with the non-play date kid. Thing One shares with you on these one on ones, you can do like activities; when you have Two there is constant activity, making sure he is being kept level, having fun but not stripped naked at the park kinda fun, getting a yes/no can be tough enough let alone a conversation. I enjoy one on one time with both kids, it is just very different time. I have found things to do with Two that give me a chance to have conversations and play and be together, but with One sometimes it just comes easier. There have also been times where we were able to get One to do something active and crazy, but that takes a lot more effort and can be tough to listen to the whining. Each Thing brings different things to the table, just like I am sure they bring them to their friendships and their relationship as siblings.
Back to One and I hiding in the bedroom, we spent a delightful hour or so hold up in the bedroom thoroughly enjoying ourselves, but I enjoy her play dates almost as much. When One has a friend over it is almost easier than just having One. The girls go to Things room, play, aren't too loud, go outside play are nice to one another. When they come in to eat, they chat, are friendly, giggle, it is very cute. Usually we do a craft and both girls seem to enjoy themselves or fake it and the girls go on with their time.
Thing Two, his play dates are a totally different level or action. Usually the boys run around like monkeys, yelling playing and having way to much fun. They eat everything on the run, never talk to the 'adults' and if Two says 'DUDE' once he says it a million times. They don't do no stinking crafts, they make remote car tracks and roll around with the dog. They go up to his room and the crash bang booms occur. I secretly hope he is not this off the hook at other peoples houses, that please and thank you are part of his vocabulary. The thing is the house he plays at the most, they seem to love him, and I love them because of that.
This weekend we are hosting sleepovers for both kids and I can't wait to see what happens. In these circumstances I tend to handle food prep and inside stuff, and Hubs tends to manage whatever craziness he runs into when it gets too quiet. We have bubbles, paper and crayons, the Kinect, I have no doubt all the kids will have a great time. The Hubs and I are already parsing up what will happen in the morning, again I am thankful, I am thinking the Green Expo and a Re-Art Hula Hoop Activity with the girls maybe a little market; Hubs golf with the boys and then a park for them to run wild. Again I think I got the better end of the stick, an activity I am interested in and two chatty girls, but then again maybe Hubs thinks golf and nuttiness at the park is all that and we can both we thankful we are enjoying time with our kids and their friends.
On a side note, I hosted a baby shower for one of my mommy mentors and their were eight girls 4 to 10 and they played amazingly. It was the coolest thing in the world to watch all those girls jumping around on the hammock, painting together and just being kids, I loved it. Here is a picture of the candy bouquet I created that the girls devoured. Where was Thing Two, getting his boy on with his best bud, and again I love that they willingly came and got him to save him from the girlyness in the house, and I made sure enough candy got put aside for Thing Two, his bud and his buds brother.
Around 5 last night a friend of Thing Two tumbled up to the door to play. They usually go to play at his house, but he asked if they could stay here, I said sure grabbed Thing One and left it to hubs. Within minutes of One and I slinking off, I hear "DUDE, DUDE, you totally got it!!". At this point, Thing One has locked my bedroom door, turned on Wizards of Waverly place and is blissfully amused. I sit on the bed and read a book, I am good and it is pretty quiet in our little cave. Thing One and I have gone shopping, seen movies, hidden out watching TV and playing on the computer, all sorts of fun when the boys are in the house playing.
We strive to be able to let the play dates happen without intervention of a sibling so it means great one on one time for the parent with the non-play date kid. Thing One shares with you on these one on ones, you can do like activities; when you have Two there is constant activity, making sure he is being kept level, having fun but not stripped naked at the park kinda fun, getting a yes/no can be tough enough let alone a conversation. I enjoy one on one time with both kids, it is just very different time. I have found things to do with Two that give me a chance to have conversations and play and be together, but with One sometimes it just comes easier. There have also been times where we were able to get One to do something active and crazy, but that takes a lot more effort and can be tough to listen to the whining. Each Thing brings different things to the table, just like I am sure they bring them to their friendships and their relationship as siblings.
Back to One and I hiding in the bedroom, we spent a delightful hour or so hold up in the bedroom thoroughly enjoying ourselves, but I enjoy her play dates almost as much. When One has a friend over it is almost easier than just having One. The girls go to Things room, play, aren't too loud, go outside play are nice to one another. When they come in to eat, they chat, are friendly, giggle, it is very cute. Usually we do a craft and both girls seem to enjoy themselves or fake it and the girls go on with their time.
Thing Two, his play dates are a totally different level or action. Usually the boys run around like monkeys, yelling playing and having way to much fun. They eat everything on the run, never talk to the 'adults' and if Two says 'DUDE' once he says it a million times. They don't do no stinking crafts, they make remote car tracks and roll around with the dog. They go up to his room and the crash bang booms occur. I secretly hope he is not this off the hook at other peoples houses, that please and thank you are part of his vocabulary. The thing is the house he plays at the most, they seem to love him, and I love them because of that.
This weekend we are hosting sleepovers for both kids and I can't wait to see what happens. In these circumstances I tend to handle food prep and inside stuff, and Hubs tends to manage whatever craziness he runs into when it gets too quiet. We have bubbles, paper and crayons, the Kinect, I have no doubt all the kids will have a great time. The Hubs and I are already parsing up what will happen in the morning, again I am thankful, I am thinking the Green Expo and a Re-Art Hula Hoop Activity with the girls maybe a little market; Hubs golf with the boys and then a park for them to run wild. Again I think I got the better end of the stick, an activity I am interested in and two chatty girls, but then again maybe Hubs thinks golf and nuttiness at the park is all that and we can both we thankful we are enjoying time with our kids and their friends.
On a side note, I hosted a baby shower for one of my mommy mentors and their were eight girls 4 to 10 and they played amazingly. It was the coolest thing in the world to watch all those girls jumping around on the hammock, painting together and just being kids, I loved it. Here is a picture of the candy bouquet I created that the girls devoured. Where was Thing Two, getting his boy on with his best bud, and again I love that they willingly came and got him to save him from the girlyness in the house, and I made sure enough candy got put aside for Thing Two, his bud and his buds brother.
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