Encouraging Independence

Last weekend Bean wanted to go on an adventure.  She occasionally likes to wander the neighborhood on what she calls neighborhood adventures.  Last weekend though she wanted to go on a big adventure, to walk to school and back.  Last year I read a book about Free Range parenting and this adventure to school was just what they were talking about.

As I sent Bean and Chicken out the door with a cell phone in Beans pocket, the mom fear was there, but I knew it was important to let them go.  As a parent sometimes the hardest thing is opening up the door to adventure and possibly failure for your kids.  The kids made it to the school, played some basketball and came home.  They were very proud of themselves, and after the fact I realized how silly I was to be worried at all, there are no major streets to cross and I had walked the route with the kids a few times.  The fears that I have are some times irrational, fed by media sensationalism, and sometimes legitimate.  The thing that is tough is being able to balance what the kids need in regards to encouraging independence with making sure they have all the tools they need for said independence.

You may ask what I mean by ensuring they have the skills to succeed.  Walking to and from school doesn't require tons of prep, do they know where they are going do, they know not to completely lose the plot when they got lost.  Bean can lose the plot pretty easy which is part of the reason we have slowly worked towards more independence, but without attempts like a walk to school she will never learn she has the skills to handle getting lost. There are other types of independence though, and some of those require a lot of skills training.  Knowing how to sew, cook and do laundry are key skills needed for independence and somehow we need to teach them all these skills without the house burning down, me loosing my mind, and the kids being able to get what they need.

So where are we with learning all these great skills?  The kids can use a cell phone mostly, they haven't burned the house down but can't cook too much, and Chicken is petrified of needles. We'll get there eventually, but knowing when to push the skills and the independence is all about the kid and what they need and can handle at the that time.

What are you doing to teach independence and get your kiddos the skills they need? How do you manage your mom fears when it comes to independence?
  

Book Review: Free-Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy

I just finished reading Lenore Skenazy's book Free-Range Kids and it gave me a lot to think about.  I may not consider myself a worrier,  but I don't know if I would say I am totally free range either. After reading this book though I think I want to work at being a little more free range and at encouraging that independence in the Things.

The book is laid out really well and makes you think alot about your own fears and how they are transferring on to your kids.  The commandments at the beginning of the book are a great start to the ideas and huge positives to kids. I really like that the information is backed up by facts and figures. It makes me realize how the media is making us more over scared parents than we really need to be.  The end of each chapter has great real life notes from individuals and steps to encourage you to be a little more free range, which I really like. The safe or not chapter was really funny to me as most of the things mentioned I thought at the time they were in the media were a bit cookoo, but I was disappointed she didn't cover kids getting hit my cars. The kids and cars thing is a HUGE fear of mine and I could have used some statistics to peel me off the wall on that one.  Generally I think this is a great read for any parent and is a nice, lighten up and enjoy your kids sort of thing.

Reading a book like this makes you feel silly about a few fears, and made me think how generally unprepared we have made the Things.  Though I have picked them up from school and we walked home, I don't think they have done it enough to not get lost.  I don't know that they could get themselves to the grocery store. I do let them go to the park and to a friends house in the neighborhood so I don't think they would get lost, but I am not sure. I am thinking I might start taking them around on their bikes more and actually leave out little neighborhood.  We live in bubble, about a long country block, surrounded by very busy streets and this is part of my concern about letting the kids go beyond our bubble.  I think I need to let them go a little more free range though, because even though my fear is about them and cars, once we teach them the skills of crossing the street it is the same on a busy as a quiet street.  The other thing I think after reading this is I need to let them roam the neighborhood more, usually I say you can go to the park or a friends, but don't mess about in the neighborhood. I wonder if more messing about in the neighborhood would give them more confidence to explore the world in general more.

The other thing I took to hear was that you are the person that knows your child best and their abilities.  What I struggle with in this statement is that the older one is a little less prepared and aware of the world around her than the younger. When crossing the street in the neighborhood, I no longer tell the Things, stop wait look both ways,  Thing Two naturally does it, Thing Ones just wanders out there. I need to work more with Thing One on developing that independent spirit and awareness and I think because Two picked it up so easily, I haven't focused on really teaching the skill assuming it would just occur.  Also, I don't know what they are like when I am not there, maybe Thing One does fine and I just need to take a deep breath and let life occur.  As a parent sometimes our kids amaze us with their abilities when they are not with us and I guess I just need to have the faith to let that happen.

How Free Range or your kids and how much do you trust their preparedness and responsibility?