Raising Thinkers, that still have trust

We constantly talk in the house about what people tell us, what we see on TV, and what it all means to us on a day to day level. Do the people on the cereal commercial really tell us the truth? Do our friends really know the answer to that? Are you telling someone accurate information, facts verses just what you think it true?

Raising a thinker and a questioner that can ask questions and be skeptical, but still show trust and respect can be a really tough line to walk. Sometimes it is the kid who sets the path to questioning; Thing Two questions a lot and is very skeptical about what anyone says. Teaching him to question and ask for the background information, but not come off as disrespectful or rude can be difficult. Reminding him that most people are not telling him falsehoods intentionally and that if you question it in a way that isn’t respectful people can become frustrated has been a challenge. Telling him that sometimes it is better to come back home and ask the questions instead of asking the questions of the adult they are suppose to be showing respect to is always an option. On the other side, Thing One trusts people and doesn’t tend to question as much what people say, she will frequently believe or pretend to believe because she finds it easier. With her the focus is on having the confidence to ask the questions and know the difference believing the information you are told and asking a questions to verify that information. Insert, it is not nice to roll your eyes in front of an adult if you think they are full of it. To me it is really important to raise thinkers, thinkers that don’t just believe what they are told, but also trust people and are respectful to the adults around them.

How did we start the Things off with questioning and looking at things with a critical eye, commercials. Commercials are a great way to talk about what information is coming into their lives on a daily basis and what may or may not be true. Just because the kids on the commercial fly up into the air after they ate that thing, does that mean you will? Just because that toy made a perfect spiral and looped through the hoop does that mean it will do it when you play with it? These first questions and discussions formed a great foundation to talk about other information coming into their lives. When a friend at daycare tells you that someone is going to burn down your school because it was vandalized (true situation), is that true, how do they know that, what makes that information accurate? As the Things have gotten older we have encouraged them to check the facts when we can, but have also balanced that with the idea of information from a trusted source. There are people that consistently give you accurate information, and you can trust them and should. When sources are friends or people we don’t always believe ask some questions; can you look up the thing that was stated and what does it say, do you believe what is said and why do you believe it.

We explained some time back that the Internet was really a lot of people talking, just in type, and that they can say anything. Just because something is written down doesn’t mean it’s true. Trying to explain the concept that people and sometimes writing isn’t the facts of a situation can be difficult. At this point we are really explaining it in the way of fiction verses a nonfiction book. A book that is fiction is just a good story, but probably not a lot of facts. A nonfiction book is facts, and most of the time those facts can be found in other books that are referenced in the back.

This is still a growing concept in our house and we are just starting to talk about the ideas that sometimes the facts are bent to explain a particular reason or purposes, but these concepts still have a long way to go. I assume we will not stop any of these discussions any time soon and that the Things will continue to try and develop a strong bull shit meter and ask questions in a way that is appreciative of the people around them. Don’t think some of this hasn’t already bit me in the butt though, I get questioned more than I would like and have spent time checking a fact on the Internet when I wasn’t sure. I like that they question and hope we are teaching them to continue to question, as tough as it sometimes can be.

Comic Book Kids

At some point in my childhood I got hooked on comics, I loved them then and I love them now. When I was 7 and 8 I would not consider myself a reader, I struggled. Being able to read wasn’t the only problem, it was understanding what I read, and being able to express it back in some articulate manner that I struggled with also. I didn’t have the problem with comic books though; Snoopy and Archie were my friends. Thing One seems to have the same issue and is dealing with it in much the same way I did, comic books. Thing Two, is Thing Two and he has gravitated toward the juvenile graphic novel section of the library since we first started going.

School has just let out, but in the last weeks I have become pretty flexible about the choices the Things are making in regard to reading. Both are allowed to read in silence, and they don’t have to choose books at their reading level. So what are they reading? In the last three weeks the books have all been of a comic or graphic novel nature. Thing One has read Babymouse, Lunch Lady, Get Fuzzy, and the graphic novel version of Beauty and the Beast. Thing Two has chosen to read Spiderman, Eek and Aak, Gus Beezer, and the X-men. Both kids love comic books, the pictures, the stories, the whole thing; and really who am I to complain, they are reading. Thing One can recall the stories she reads which she can’t always do with 'word only' books and she is also able to say specific lines in the comics, so I know she is actually reading them. Thing Two gets his adventurous side met in a way the Henry and Mudge just aren’t providing right now with the comics he chooses. For right now comic books are what works and whatever works is a go in this house, and I am all about reading comics when I can be.

Due to the fact the Things are 6 and 8 I initially worried about finding comics that appealed to them and at the same time weren’t overly violent or too sexualized. The Things would have tired quickly of Archie and Veronica, but comics have come a long way and have varied interests, reading levels and maturity levels.  Our local library has a great collection of kids graphic novels and comics and a separate section for the teens and adults. There seem to be a lot of options that are kids friendly and are still really fun. The Gus Beezer books will always be a favorite, especially since it introduced 4 year old Thing Two to his heroes X-Men and Spiderman. Thing One thankfully discovered Babymouse and Amelia Rules, totally better options than the Hannah Montana books. Defiantly it is harder to find that book that Thing One really relates too. With news of a new book coming out from Action Lab called Princeless, I am hopefully that yet another book will speak to her.

I read comic books and I eventually transitioned to ‘REAL’ books, but I still read comic books. I like comics, the pictures, the stories; there is something in comic books that I can’t seem to find in other books. I really hope the Things develop the same love, then I can mooch their comics when they buy them.

SUPER BIG SPECIAL THANKS TO MY BUDDY DAVE DWONCH AND ACTION LAB LETTING ME USE THE PICS OF THIER COMICS..............

Lying

We tell lies every day. That top looks great. Sorry I didn’t hear my phone. These little white lies are sometimes the things that get us through the day. How do we explain and teach our kids though the difference or when it is and isn't ok to lie?


Lying is something people do daily, some are good at it and some aren’t, but how do we explain the subtle differences of lying and how can you teach when someone is lying. Repeatedly, I have told the Things, if someone if trying to get you to do something you don’t want to and you have told them no you can always say my mom won’t let me. That is a lie, we have taught the kids to lie to keep themselves safe, with a lie.

We start when our kids are young by just saying lying is bad don’t do it. Eventually we are caught in our own lies, hopefully not in front of a bunch of other adults, and revise the rules. We explain that sometimes to save someone’s feelings or to keep yourself safe lying may be alright. It seems like, since the moment the rule got revised we have been living in the gray area. The Things tend to learn the same way as most people, they ask is it ok to lie in this situation or that, or more often than not get caught lying themselves. Trying to navigate what is and isn’t acceptable can be tough, and this is a key part to me in social learning that kids must learn. When you are a pretty alert aware kid this is learning that just gets picked up naturally, but when you are not things needs to be a little more spelled out.

How kids learn and react to lying is really varied, even in this house. Thing Two seems to have a pretty innate ability to understand the power of lying. Two weighs his options if he is caught lying; he will admit to a lie when caught, and he is learning to judge when something is big enough not to lie and to just admit it and when to just hold out and deny the lie knowing the punshinment may not be huge.  Two is not easily fooled by people and has been able to start to read inflection or a look and wonder if someone is really telling the whole truth based on tone and body language. Two still struggles with the whole truth vs a half truth, and that is where he is at, learning to follow the principal not just the letter of the law, and what that all means. Lying is one of those areas that Thing One has struggled with forever.  She is a horrible liar, I know the minute she starts to tell me a lie.  She also isn't quite as adept at catching others lying, though she isn't gullible either.  The difference between them is that one is an observer of people and the other is distracted by non-person related things during a conversation. Additionally, the processing required to listen to what a person is saying, read their body language, interpret it all and get a response back out is delayed in One, that also may be why she can't decipher as well the difference between I want to know the truth and I know you are lying and their is serious punishment for trying to get one over on me. 

What is and isn't acceptable varies by social norms I have no concerns Two will manage wherever he is and find that sweet spot, I think One may always require a little extra help in this area. I have told One what her tell is, she won't look you in the eye when she is lying and is obviously is trying too, it looks quite funny.  I have told her this because she is genuine in who she is and when she lies this badly it doesn't seem like she is genuine it seem like she is being manipulative.  She needs to know it so she can either learn not to do it or opt not to lie.  Hopefully this also makes her aware and on the look out for the things other do when they aren't telling the truth.  Two, I won't tell him how I can tell when he is lying, I can barely tell now when he is lying and he is really good at spotting someone elses lies. What are we teaching them though, to deceive, that seems horrid.  Teaching the truth is what we are striving for, but sometimes not the whole truth and that may be the dividing line.

My Whacked Out Busy Day - Every Thursday

520 wake up
shower
dress
get up kids
get lunches packed
make sure everyone has everything
grab swim bag, work bag, kids bags go to car
go back and kennel dog since I forgot
get to daycare remind kids they to keep hands to themselves and be nice
go to work
deal with all the work crap, LOTS OF MEETINGS INSERT HERE
go to pool - teach - hopefully no one screams to loud
go home
put kids to bed
clean all the bags from teh day
deal with email, facebook and anything else
drink wine
read a chapter of a book
try to sleep for 4/5 hours
I'm tired just thinking about it.

Mom's can't wear capes

I am am not saying we can't be super moms we all are in some way shape, or form. Much like Edna Mode in the Incredibles NO CAPES. Capes get stuck in too many things.
Most things we carry with us as mom's are like our capes, they drag us down, get in our way and seem to spill out of our purses at any moment. Our schedules at work, calendars at home and general to do lists running around in our heads keep us constantly moving, collecting this item, picking up that child and all the pieces and parts drag behind us to get lost or get too weighty or just too much.
So what so we do about it? How the heck should I know. I am the mom that has separate bags for each activity, frequently not putting all the things I should in the bag. Better yet there is the days I forget who is doing what and call my husband, check my schedule, and then have to run home to get all the pieces and parts I need to get to the next activity. On top of that I am the mom that really only likes the kids to do activies together, two kids in two directions is just way to much for me.
Side Note: Is Hot in Cleveland just a younger version of Golden Girls?