My Momness

Unlike a lot pregnant women I did not get to hold either of my children when they were born, both immediately were swept off to the NICU. For Thing One I didn’t even get that joy of getting to leave the hospital with her, with Two I left with him but had to return him shortly. Becoming a parent can happen in a million ways, birth, adoption, guardianship, foster parenting, step parenting, surrogacy, and bunches others I have not mentioned; and I know that in it happening a million ways, there are a millions ways to have those first experiences. Though my first experiences with ours were varied, they mostly brought about the same feelings of love and responsibility.

My first memory of Thing One was looking up in the Labor and Delivery Room and seeing a kicking red head; the first thing I thought was everyone will be so happy she’s a red head. It took approximately 12 hours before I got to cuddle her, only for mere seconds before she was swept back into the incubator, tubes, wires and all. There have been a lot of ups and downs with her through the years. The first time I was scared out of my mind for her she was two days old and she wasn’t coming out of surgery when they said she would, the hospital Chaplin, an amazing woman, sat with me and said this would not be the last time I felt like this about her and I just needed to breathe and have faith she would be ok, wise words I try not to forget. She has had two major surgeries, occupational therapy and is now in tutoring. Something tells me that Thing One will always be a high needs kid in the parent advocacy department. Most of One’s firsts have been celebrated with extreme glee as we initial weren’t sure what we were going to get out of this sick child who seemed to always struggle. Before her second surgery she would get tired after 15 minutes of playing, I cried on her 5th birthday when she came up to me 15 minutes into her party sat next to me and said she was too tired to play. She has a perseverance that I admire so much, she may not be at the top of the field but she is there and that counts. Thing One loves music, basketball, horses and Tae Kwon Do and as the hub says has the ‘touch’ with animals. She recently tried out for the second grade play, something I never thought she would do due to her shyness, she didn’t get the part, but I was so proud of her for trying. Her silliness, intellect and cuteness will take her wherever she wants to go and the memories we make and have are always special and cherished, and though they are not always firsts I try to appreciate them like they are and have faith it will all be ok.

Thing Two showed up without a sound, which he has never repeated, the cord was wrapped around his neck and he was day glow white. My first real good memory of him was looking at him in the special care nursery, and I thought I had given birth to the ugliest baby alive; he looked like Charlie Brown with a huge head and small features and a big hair red spot on his back. Thankfully, he got cute really quick. Around 3 days old he went back into the hospital with jaundice, he proceeded to scream for about 12 hours with a nurse on duty that worked with my brother in law. She called him up and asked if he had meet his nephew yet, when he said no she held the phone up from the nurses’ station and said, yep that’s him screaming. We should have known after this experience we were in for a wild time. Thing Two was a high needs baby, even our daycare provider carried him around in a sling because he was only happy being held. Until recently we always said, if he wasn’t happy no one was happy, but like all things he is growing out of this. Everyone has always met him and responded with boys will be boys, but we always knew his behavior and energy would have to be addressed for him to be successful in school, and it has and we are happy with the choices we have made for him. Thankfully he is successful in school and thriving, he tries constantly to be a thoughtful attentive kid, and he doesn’t always make the mark but I appreciate his efforts. If there is a chore in the house that needs doing, just ask; someone needs help he is there to help. Thing Two also seems to have a natural gift with most sports; he can pick up a game in no time and dominate, last year he and another boy on his soccer team made his team unbeatable on the field. I have noticed that not all parents warm to Thing Two, I am ok with that because the ones who do adore him and I adore them for their appreciation of him. I find it a great litness test for me on the kind of people they are if they love him. There are always good days and bad days, and I never know quite what I am going to get, but the firsts keep coming, though he said that kissing a girl won’t come till high school.

Why the ramble on my Things, because it is almost mother’s day and they are who made me a mom. I have called and apologized to both my parents after realizing what kind of kid I must have been in seeing my own. I have swept crying babies out of mom’s hands to soothe them when their moms were on the brink. I have chased toddlers that weren’t mine through stores to make sure they didn’t’ get into too much trouble. I have done all this because of my Things, because they have taught me patience, empathy, compassion, that I am stronger than I thought and more capable than I dreamed. I do all this also because I hope another mom will take pity on me when I am having one of those days to thump the Things in the back of the head when they are doing wrong and need correction or celebrate a success I was not able to be there for but desperately wanted to be.

Happy Mothers Day